Jul. 12th, 2011

chris_gerrib: (Default)
Here's a writing question that I'm looking for reader input on. In my upcoming novel The Night Watch, I have several situations where people are talking to each other face-to-face and are having conversations over a radio. For example, two people on the bridge of a ship are talking to each other and the Fleet operations center.

My question is this - after I establish that "Fleet operations" is on the radio, do I need to keep reminding the readers of that? My first reader thinks so - but she reads mostly paranormal romance. If so, how? Saying "the (radio) speaker crackled" gets old real quick.

Here's two examples - which do you, the reader, prefer? In both cases, "Ops" is talking on the radio and not physically present.

Example 1
"Chief of the Watch," Janet said, "sound General Quarters."
"Aye, ma'am," the Chief replied, reaching for the button.
"Windy City, this is Ops, be advised that we have friendly traffic inbound, over."

Example 2
"Chief of the Watch," Janet said, "sound General Quarters."
"Aye, ma'am," the Chief replied, reaching for the button.
"WINDY CITY, THIS IS OPS. BE ADVISED THAT WE HAVE FRIENDLY TRAFFIC INBOUND, OVER."

Please leave your answers and any discussion in comments, thanks.

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